fakinGOrgasm

The Missing Ingredient

2010-03-30T22:28:00.002+08:00

What could it be?

Money?

Religion?

Food?

Sex?

Mojo?

.....

Well the search continues...

For the time being, I need to get some sleep.

What The FUCK is FUCK?

2010-03-26T00:51:00.002+08:00

"Spam comments are as wasted as sperm on your bathroom walls"-Bob Dyldo

Where The HELL is HELL?

2009-03-31T12:53:00.010+08:00

Did you miss me???...

If yes, then that's just so sweet of you but if you don't... the fuck cares!Hahaha...

I'm well aware that I haven't been putting anything on this blog-o-mine for the past 5 months, more or less. I was so fucking busy with some fucking action... and updating this space wasn't a part of it...

Or maybe I'm no longer keen of writing stuff up here anymore.

Nothing has tickled me to write angry things about... things (lame!) or maybe I have been a tamed lion or whatever...

I know that there's a lot of happenings around the world, good or bad (mostly bad) but I'm just in a period that I don't give a rat ass about those things anymore... Call me selfish jerk... well that's what men are good at... being selfish... Hahaha.. (Guys, sue me!)

With the war, the global economic recession, instability with local politics, global warming, shits, shits and more shits. I can only say that the world is just one SAD place to be... but I still think it won't be any different even if we have lived in Mars either. Cuz humyn are only good in fucking things up. Period!

Reminds me of a line from Soul Asylum's song... "We create the cure and make the disease..." or something like that... I'm too lazy to google.

Or maybe Bad Religion's "Fuck Armageddon. This Is Hell!"...

Or whatever...

What? Earth Hour?

Well, we all have been fucked in the ass... big time!!!

Metaphorically speaking? MY ASS!!!

1 2 X U

2008-11-04T11:02:00.004+08:00

Normally, I don't give a damn. But when it comes to friends, we should be more honest with one another.

We all have problems, who doesn't?

Should share this with the ones that you're most comfortable with. That is... Your long time buddies.

Doesn't need a psychologist to understand such behaviour. But avoiding your friends that you could trust is simply stupid. Then who should you talk about this to? Your colleagues who rarely (most of the time never) give you any support of any kind?

I'm a loser or I'm not worthy kinda attitude just plain suck when you're among your set of friends. If they're your friends, then they'll accept you in whatever "form" you may be.

So why being such a "whinoceros"?

Celebrate true friends. True friends won't judge you by seeing what car you're driving, the house you live in, or even how fat your paycheck is. In fact, true friends are non-judgemental.

Life is too short to be engaged in arguments or hatred.

It'll just make you older, faster...

Being remorseful during your remaining days of existence... Ain't pretty...

Trust me... After all...

I am your long time buddy!!!

Loser!

2008-09-22T10:55:00.009+08:00

This one specially goes to lucu mak ko, coolit babi and a sucker who used drhalimahali as it's nickname... (lack of idea and originality).

I put these nicks as loser because my instinct tells me that they are the same person... ops... Same loser!

Put your cowardice comments elsewhere.

I can tolerate bullshits but this one really gets on my nerves.

If any of you who thinks that RACISM is the way of life then please stop putting your comments on this blog. It'll be as wasted as sperm on your bathroom walls. I will be happy to delete them forever.

Please FUCK OFF AND DIE!!!!

Word.

Power Of Equality

2008-08-27T12:42:00.005+08:00

in Borhan mode

Jika setiap manusia diberikan hak/peluang yang sama...

Semua sepatutnya bersetuju dan berpuas hati...

Jika ada juga yang membuat bising dan tidak bersetuju...

MEREKA INI ADALAH ORANG-ORANG YANG TAMAK!

"Baby, I Love You..."

2008-08-06T11:50:00.003+08:00

Rugilah buang bayi...

tak dapat pakaikan baby onesie Led Zepp...

or singlet Ramones...

Celebrate life!

Let's be more forgiving... Shall we?

Hello Goodbye...

2008-06-26T15:52:00.001+08:00

cnllm

Junkies Running Dry...

2008-06-06T10:56:00.005+08:00

For the first time I spent RM111.87 refueling my 2002 Iswara...full tank.

Is that an achievement? Should I be proud or something?

Does anyone know how much does the solar or electric-powered car cost?

What???? That much ah???

Nevermind...I'll stick to bicycle then...Thanks..

Geeezzz...

****************************************************************

One interesting fact about these solar and electric powered vehicles... They should have been 'commercially' roaming the streets since 1990's but all the major oil/petroleum companies had made some agreements that 'the world' needs to utilise this source until it really runs dry. So no solar powered cars until then. Period!

Selfish? Stupid? Greedy?

I’d say all of them…

"BICYCLE RACE, anyone?"

2008-06-05T16:09:00.003+08:00

Specially dedicated to all petrol consumers…
Oil price is hiking, so let’s start biking.

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle

I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

You say black I say white
You say bark I say bite
You say shark I say hey man
Jaws was never my scene
And I don't like Star Wars
You say Rolls I say Royce
You say God give me a choice
You say Lord I say Christ
I don't believe in Peter Pan
Frankenstein or Superman
All I wanna do is

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle

I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my

Bicycle races are coming your way
So forget all your duties oh yeah
Fat bottomed girls they'll be riding today
So look out for those beauties oh yeah
On your marks get set go
Bicycle race bicycle race bicycle race

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle
Bicycle bicycle bicycle
Bicycle race

You say coke I say caine
You say John I say Wayne
Hot dog I say cool it man
I don't wanna be the President of America
You say smile I say cheese
Cartier I say please
Income tax I say Jesus
I don't wanna be a candidate forVietnam or Watergate
Cause all I wanna do is

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle

I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

"There Is a Light That Never Goes Out"

2008-05-29T12:29:00.011+08:00

Yes. Thanks Sheriff for putting me behind you and sing "Come on baby let's do the locomotion..." and shaking my booty ala Kylie Minogue. That's a cute one...yeah!

Yes. I've been tagged and it came by surprise. Or whatever...Here goes nothing...

1.Each blogger must post these rules first.
2. Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged, and to read your blog.

1) Whenever I hold a guitar, I will immediately play a D or C chords, cuz I can easily placed my fingers on the fret boards.

2) I’m not so good in remembering routes or how to get to places where I’ve been to.

3) I think my childhood was really gloomy. Our electricity and water supplies were cut so we lighted candles up at night. We have to seek our neighbour’s kindness in supplying some water for our daily usage. Sometimes, we will steal water right from our own sealed (by JKR, then) pipe.

4) Again, when I was very young, my family usually have only fried eggs, rice and dash of soy sauce (kicap cap ayam) for lunch and dinner. We’ve been eating these for many years.

5) I hate people who said that they’re miserable when they have lots of money to spend. They said that they can have anything but LOVE. ‘Gimme your money, I’ll give you love that you can’t ever imagine. Period!’

6) I speak not as good as I write. Not that my writing is very good though…

7) I will subconsciously twist my hair whenever I’m concentrating on something except while having sex.

8) I ‘think’ I have a very big dick.

Now I'm tagging:

1) Alia Baizura

2) j or ji

3) Mohd Jayzuan

4) Si Penjilat

5) Pol

6) Pipi

7) I-Sina

8) John Hafiz

"Come on baby let's do the locomotion..."

Don't curse me... Curse Kylie... ;P

There Was A Time...

2008-05-08T04:45:00.003+08:00

Some said that they're The Ramones from Down Under...
I just thought they rocked harder...

Nevermind the bollocks,
Here comes The Hard-Ons!

p/s: Sheriff, this one's well kept in my possession... :P

What's underneath "The Strobe Light"?

2008-05-06T07:10:00.003+08:00

The songs : Recommended at parties.

The hair-do: Not recommended at anytime BUT i dare you! ;P

p/s: I lost this album too. Whoever borrowed it can you please gimme back? Dickhead!

Good For My Soul

2008-04-26T04:43:00.003+08:00

One of the best works from the Reid brothers. Eventhough, avid followers prefer the older albums such as "Automatic" and "Darklands", "Honey's Dead" will remain as my favourite album by Jesus And Mary Chain. I listened to it when I was 17 and had lost the tape few years later.

I would really love to have it back. Can anybody help me?

Help me to find it's way to my soul... just like how the words go...

"She can take the world on another journey into her soul..."

Hey Jealousy!

2008-04-26T04:33:00.001+08:00

"Old friendship evaporates fast under the cruel hands of jealousy..."

So true. I wish I could write something like that...

SKULLS...(terjemahan: Tengkorak Hang!)

2008-04-23T06:08:00.011+08:00

Hi! How is it goin'? It's been awhile.

Though I feel like I got so many things to talk about and to share with you guys but I just don't know where to begin and how to begin with... what the??...

Let's leave it that way...

I was and still particularly busy doing some shits and stuffs for a...

Okay, maybe none of your interest... so...

Let's leave it that way...

I know that there's one of the LAMEST movies playing all over Malaysia now where they showed people who can spin their cars , round and round they go. Driving full speed (but I think they rolled the tape faster to speed things up) in the heart of Kuala Lumpur macam bapak diorang punya jalan. Supercars, Supermacho and Supersucks!

Apart from all the Road Safety Awareness campaign aired on billboard and electronic media, yet superfast killing machines and moron drivers with pure machismo bullshit still been approved to be idolised in our local cinemas. Kesian Malaysia...

Grand Brilliance (Brilliance?) , Skop Productions and Usop Selam anak beranak suck all the way... I wish they will all be ran over by those speeding cars and rot next to the road. Their carcass will be eaten by the scavengers and the likes. When they're only skulls and bones left... they'll rise as ghosts haunting the fast car drivers. They'll then kill 'em all until the last driver or till the last drop of blood...

And from this so called urban legend, will give inspiration to directors such as Prof Mak Dia Razak Mohaideen to make a low budget scary movie but expecting box office hits together with millions of ringgit paycheck.

And he'll be telling, "Saya akan membuat filem yang boleh meng"educate" penonton di Malaysia. Cerita kita tidak kurang hebatnya jika dibandingkan dengan cerita-cerita di Hollywood sana tu..."during press conferences and shits.

I feel so overwhelmed with education from these remarks.... Don't you???

E A T S H I T ! ! ! !

Living In Darkness...

2008-03-07T07:03:00.004+08:00

“Like I just figured the Beatles came up with the stuffs like ‘She Loves You’, I figured I just write the stuffs like ‘She Doesn’t Love You’ or something…”- Mike Palm (1981 Interview)

So true... heartfelt words penned down by Mike in his songs were the new testament (then) for those manic-depressive goons... and losers. Sorry yet unapologetic. Wild yet tame at heart. Miserablist...Rejoice!

Survivor

2008-03-05T06:00:00.004+08:00

Had stumbled upon this forum while busy searching for the Professor's photo. Wonder why couldn't fine any... hmmmmm....

Anyway, please cast your vote if you like.

Otherwise, just wait till...

...The tribe has spoken.

Then sing the theme song, "ariya-riya-riyo-weh"(i guess this how it sounds like..hehehe)

Sad Movies Always Make Me Cry…

2008-03-05T04:10:00.004+08:00

I’m hoping just for once that this guy will sing me this line…

“Frankly, Mr Shankly, this position I've held
It pays my way, but it corrodes my soul..”

Read here for his “brilliant” insight on our local movie industry and how fat paychecks had never been his main motivation when creating his “masterpieces”. Yeah, right!

If you really gonna read it, please don’t miss that one chart title that reads :

“Carta Pecah Panggung”

C’mon Berita Harian… you guys can do better than that...

p/s: In prison they will call it as “Carta Pecah Punggung”.

"Video Killed the Radio Star" continues...

2008-02-26T06:35:00.014+08:00

"If I'm doing movie review for a mag/newspaper... I'll be jobless by now." - Bob Dyldo

3) SURF’S UP!
About: A penguin named Cody Maverick (Shia LaBeouf) who’s trying to fulfill his destiny in becoming the greatest surfer by winning a surfing contest in Pen Gu island. Going through many obstacles and at the same time made new friends such as Chicken Joe(Jon Heder), Lani (Zooey Deschanel) and Big Z (Jeff Bridges) along the process.

Comments: Surfing penguins… so what else can you expect? Oh yes, surfing chicken too… You’ll have some good laughs. Suitable for all ages.

4) HOT FUZZ
About: An overachiever police officer named Nicolas Angel (Simon Pegg) from London who got transferred to the countryside. A sleepy village where everything seems to be calm and pacify but was actually controlled by a group of “watchers” who were responsible in making crime scenes looked like accidents. The village’s police officers were not much of a help too since they have been too comfortable with the tranquility of the surroundings and accused Angel as having delusions and cravings for some actions. Once truth was revealed, all hell breaks loose!

Comments: Thriller, action and comedy all in one. I love watching Danny Butterman’s (Nick Frost) dead pan acting. He’s being childishly amused by Angel’s history and experiences. For me, the funniest scene would be the shooting in the air, imitating Keanu Reeves in “Point Break”. Not recommended to all Gerak Khas The Movie’s fans.

5) HE WAS A QUIET MAN
About: Bob Maconel (Christian Slater) has been working in a place where he feels he doesn’t belong and been constantly ignored by his co-workers. He was about to lose it one day but someone had already made the bloodiest decision in having a shooting rampage at the office. Bob managed to pull the trigger which saved his life from falling prey. This incident however had made him had the opportunity to save a girl’s life who happens to be the one he’s been “fantasizing” about all along.

Comments: Not recommended to all losers who got a gun kept in their drawer. Lesson to be learned here is, to be careful if you are an office bully. The one you might think to be the biggest loser at your office might be the one who’ll be pulling the trigger at you any time soon or worst, activating a time bomb. Well, I don’t know about you but I’m going to write a greeting card to someone at my office now. Don’t ask me why. I just feel like… OK!

I’m so done with all this movie marathon thingy…

Shy guy (?)

2008-02-16T07:25:00.004+08:00

I'll be at this joint tonight.

If I can conquer my stage-fright, I will be singing few songs.

So come and see me (make fool out of myself again).

"Saya akan membawa rumah itu ke bawah..."

Go figure!

"Video Killed the Radio Star"

2008-02-15T07:27:00.009+08:00

Despite having tight daily routine, juggling chores with other tiring shits, I manage to squeeze some time last weekend on having my own movie marathon. Thanks to the "Pirates of The Ampangean" in supplying such an outstanding quality of DVDs for my viewing pleasure.

I was left skeptic at first when Captain Jack Sparrow told me that " Tak boleh test sekarang sebab line tak clear. Lepas pukul 7.30pm, baru boleh. .Don't worry la, gambar cantik." I can only pray that I don't get conned by his utmost responsible customer service assurance. True, that it can be exchanged with a new one should the copy is faulty but going through a painstakingly long journey back to the source is not my idea of a fun weekend. Ain't we all, eh?

Fortunately, it was true what Captain Sparrow had promised me. Even pirates nowadays have good business ethics in ensuring customer satisfaction. I'm so fucking impressed!

As I'm not much of a movie reviewer, I won't be laying down all the details here about the movies watched but rather gladly sharing briefly the "about" and some personal views of some sort.

1) JUNO
About : Story about an unexpected pregnancy for a 16th year old school girl, Juno (Ellen Page) who irresponsibly, getting the boyfriend Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera), to do her without having any protection on. Excellent! With the help of supportive parents and friend, managed to go through the whole 3 trimesters in ease (that’s how the movie portrays it). Oh yes, as Juno was not ready to be a mother just yet, she had also made an arrangement to get the baby adopted by a couple (played by Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner).

Comments: Ok. My review sucks. You don’t have to tell me that. :P What I admire so much about the movie is how people can be so open with the issue and worked things out collaboratively. I guess, the main intention of the movie was to show how easy things could be if people are looking into the problem in a different perspective and act rationally. The issue was way much easier to handle. Imagine if the direction of the movie was influenced by certain beliefs or customs… Juno might be running away from home, met a pimp, left her newborn baby at the dumpster or sell him to a middleman that’ll transport him to Thailand to be a child labor. Of course not… If yes, then the title will be changed to “Oliver Twist : Prequel”. Cheh!

Songs in this movie are kinda cool. Mostly folk tunes. The “Anything Else But You” by Moldy Peaches should be a big hit by now. Grab your guitar, in the key of G, sing “You’re a part time lover, full time friend...” And watch out for Michael Cera. I’m guessing he’s gonna be the next Pierre Andre. Double cheh! :P

2) SUPERBAD
About : 3 close school friends who are trying to impress (and to get laid with) the girls of their dreams, by getting booze for a party using fake id. A misadventure, which involves crashing to a stranger’s party and hanging out with 2 weirdo cops.

Comments: How’s my summary? Sucks? I know :P Go watch it if you haven’t. It’s hilarious. Again, Michael Cera in some way got the same type of character played in JUNO. Only this time he didn’t impregnate his girlfriend. A friendly reminder, should you watch this together with your sister/brother/nephew/niece or anybody who is quite.. ehem!...immature, please be prepared to answer questions pertaining to the “drawings” during the credits. Good luck!

I’m so beat. To be continued…

The One(s) I love…

2008-02-14T06:49:00.005+08:00

This one goes out to the one I love,
This one goes out to the one I left behind… - R.E.M.

What a bummer!

It’s already mid Feb 2008 and where’s my manners? (as if I have any)
Happy New Year. Happy Muslim New Year. Happy Chinese New Year. Happy Valentine’s… happy, happy, happy!
May this year brings Joy and Prosperity to everybody.
More (+)isms and less (-)isms, but who am I to judge what’s wrong or right, eh?

The choice is all yours.

I choose to be merry!

p/s : I also forgot to wish you last year (you know who you are) A Merry Christmas… or Maulidul Rasul (Nabi) Isa (as how Hishamuddin Rais prefers to call it). I’ve also fail to finish the Illustrated History of the Electric Guitar book… major bummer!

"Caress Me Down" Coz "I Wanna Be A Homosexual"...

2007-11-29T05:47:00.000+08:00

Specially dedicated to all my Ron Jeremy posse and the latter, is specially for those who still feel uncomfortable with all this gay thingy. Hehehe....

1) Sublime - Caress Me Down

mucho gusto me llamo Bradley I’m hornier than Ron Jeremy
and if you wanna get popped in your knee
just wipe that look off your fat face
you hate me cause I got what you need
a pretty little daughter that we call mixie
if you wanna get beat psychically... it will be over in a minute if ya..
so she told me to come over and I took that trip
and then she pulled out my mushroom tip
and when it came out it went drip drip drip
I didn’t know she had that GI Joe kung-fu grip

chorus: (repeat)
and it went uuh caress me down
uhh and that’s the lovin’ sound

when I kiss mixie it makes me feel horny
cause I’m the type of lover with the sensitivity
when she kiss my neck and tickle me fancy
she give me the right kind of love on Sunday morning

en otro lado es donde viví con mijita que se llama mixie
y su hermana si me quiere
y ahorita tenemos un bebé

sus padres sus padres me trataron matar
but they did not get to far
un poco después tuve que regresar
con un chingo de dinero cuz you know I’m a star

yo fui a Costa Rica para comer y sufriar
practicaba con la raza cuz they know who we are
sí no le dió cuenta and I bet you never will
you must be a muñeca if you’re still standing still

chorus (repeat)

me gusta reggae
me gusta punk rock
pero la cosa que me gusta más es panochita

Pon la nalga en el aire if you know who you are
con el nalga en el aire empieza gritar
no tenga miedo I’m your papí
take your chones y los manden a mí

levanta levanta tienes que gritar
levanta levanta tienes que bailar

chorus (repeat)

and the girls caressed me down
and that’s the lovin’ sound

[Translation]:
nice to meet ya my name’s bradley I’m hornier than ron jeremy ......

on the other side is where I used to live
with my girlfriend named mixie
and her sister if she wants me
and now we have a baby

her parents her parents tried to kill me
but they did not get too far
a little later I had to come back
with a shitload of money cuz you know I’m a star

I went to Costa Rica to eat and mess around
I practiced with the race (of people) cuz they know who we are
you didn't figure it out and I bet you never will
you must be a manequin if you’re still standing still

chorus

I like reggae
I like punk rock
but the thing I like most of all is pussy

Put your butt in the air if you know who you are
with your butt in the air we begin to yell
don’t be afraid, I’m your daddy
take your underwear and send them to me

get up, get up you have to shout
get up, get up you have to dance

chorus

and the girls ....

2) SCREECHING WEASEL - I Wanna Be A Homosexual

I've got a little lisp, and I've been working on my limp wrist.
Women are a drag, I think I wanna be a faggot, man.
A mincing ninny, prancing fairy, merry little queen.
A Bruce Labruce wet dream, a Nancy Boy with wings.

I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be

Shock the middle class, take it up your punk rock ass.
You rub your little thing, when you see phony dykes in Penthouse magazine.
So what's the difference Mr. Cream Rinse, you just need a man.
A beefy leather fag, to take you out in drag oh yeah.

I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be

Call me a faggot, call me a butt loving, fudge packing queer.
But I don't care 'cause it's the straight in straight-edge,
that makes me wanna drink a beer and be a pansy, and be a homo.

Shock the middle class, take it up your punk rock ass.
You rub your puny thing, when you see studs with tight jeans pass you on the street.
Who wears short shorts? You wear short shorts.
You're so full of shit
Why don't you admit that you don't have the balls to be a queer.

I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be, I wanna be a homosexual.
I wanna be a homosexual.

Bob Dyldo : "All these sounds like fun, eh?"...

It's a "Punky Reggae Party"...

2007-10-24T04:15:00.000+08:00

Yeah! Let’s celebrate the latest addition of rip-off artists. Manipulative motherfucker at it’s best. Rejoice!

Name : Sean Kingston
Lame! "Kingston" is important to associate singer with homeland Jamaica (How true? Make your own research!). Fusing pop to all reggae/dance/ragga muffin kinda tunes. Another Sean Paul in the making but less handsome. A whole lot less!

New meaning for “HIT SONG” is – HITting on others’ creativity in order to get SONG(s) you can called your own. Shithead!

1) Beautiful Girls – A rip off tune from 1960s Ben E. King’s “Stand By Me”. For details read here. Melody and tempo have been slightly changed, meant to conceal agenda.

2) Me Love – Another rip off tune from the great Led Zeppelin’s “D’yer M’ker”. Again, read here for details. He can at least try to change the melody of the chorus, but hey! who cares about ethical conduct? “Me no EC punkrocker, mon!”

The only good thing about this Bozo is he gets to cuddle all the beautiful girls despite his un-commercial looks. That’s the true Ron Jeremy spirit!

Jamaica Boleh…mon!

"While My Guitar Gently Weeps"...I'll be weeping too, but LOUDER!

2007-10-23T04:56:00.000+08:00

See. This is one cool book. Despite few misprinted info for the illustrations (that’s kinda clumsy eh?), it is still cool. It covers the history from Chat Atkins to BB King to The Shadows and of course The Beatles plus Clapton to name a few. Informative and a guitar illustration is on every page. That’s a bonus for a person like me who is quite low in imagination.

I spent about 5 minutes to read a few lines and the rest of the hours looking at the illustrations. And this has been my daily ritual.

Damn! The price for a Telecaster circa 1950s was only $149.00. (And do you know that Telecaster was formerly known as “Broadcaster”?) Mom, why grandpa was not a guitarist??? Too bad…

Okay, let me share with you about some of the guitars featured in this book.

Do You Remember Rock & Roll Radio??? I’m quoting The Ramones here. I remember this caricature of them posing with their instruments. So Johnny had this weird looking guitar (hideous to be exact) and I was laughing back then just by looking at it. But now I have come to realize when I look at the illustration in this book, it was not bad at all. The truth is… it’s fucking awesome. The guitar brand is Mosrite. Yeah! That is one cool guitar Johnny. But it’s sad that Mosrite never produce a signature model for Johnny, instead they did it for The Ventures. This might be because of Johnny only knows how to play “power chords” (hehehe). Hey Ho! Let’s Go!

And also, do you know that the name of a band – Byrdland was actually a guitar name??? So now you know… And it’s a nice semi hollow(some said semi acoustic) guitar I’m tellin’ ya! Classic!

Do you know about Jimi Hendrix’s stage antics? Where he sometimes fucked up a guitar in his shows. Well, that’s a dirt cheap guitar that he’ll get a day before his shows. That’s show business!

That’s all I can remember or maybe what I had read so far. Yes, I admit that I’m a slow reader and enjoyed the illustrations more. So I will be busy reading (ehem!) the book until January 2008.

See ya!

Boredom...Boredom...

2007-10-04T06:01:00.000+08:00

i'm so fucking bored...

Fortunately, i got a theme song to go with that.

Pete... you and yer fellow Buzzcocks conveyed this very, very well...

(Shit! I should start writing more songs like this one...)

Yeah - well - I say what I mean
I say what comes to my mind
I never get around to things
I live a straight - straight line

You know me - I'm acting dumb
you know the scene - very humdrum
boredom - boredom

I'm living in this movie
but it doesn't move me
I'm the man that's waiting for the phone to ring
Hear it ring-a-ding-a-f***ing-ding

You know me ...

You see there's nothing behind me
I'm already a has-been
my future ain't what it was
well I think I know the words that I mean

You know me ...
B'dum - b'dum

I've taken this extravagant journey
so it seems to me
I just came from nowhere
and I'm going straight back there

You know me ...

So I'm living in this movie
but it doesn't move me
so tell me who are you trying to arouse?
get your hands out of my trousers

You know me

Curious on how the song sounds like??? Check out the "bang yer eardrums!" section dammit!

I'm A "Bone Machine"...

2007-10-03T05:19:00.000+08:00

Got a wake up call!... Mr Tongue El Licker wrote, “Update! Update!...”
Yeah. It’s been like a week or so that I haven’t been writing anything here.

That’s nothing new. Sting sang,

“There’s no surprise, no mystery.”

The truth – I was particularly… busy. Busy with my work (Yes, unfortunately Bob Dyldo is a “wage slave” as what my friend Sheriff, likes to put it.), busy with my life (oh yes, I have that too) and also busy reading “the exhibitionists’ ” blogs (listed in the right bar of this page). And not forgetting, giving my not so important but worth-reading comments in their good to be in kinda space. Hmm… not so important but worth-reading comments, eh? Where does it falls then? I need to iron out the way I write these things.

The Pixies is blasting on the stereo. Frank Black sang,

“You're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me
You're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me”

I just love the execution but can somebody decipher that for me… please?

And then came this part…

“I was talking to preachy-preach about kissy-kiss
He bought me a soda
He bought me a soda
He bought me a soda and he tried to molest me in the parking lot
Yep, yep yep YEP!”

Heh. Does that sounds familiar? A molester preacher… It’s a common disease I guess.

For those of you who haven’t listen to the Pixies, you should give it a try some time. It will ‘levitate you’.

“Come on Pilgrim
You know he loves you
Levitate me

Higher place
Levitate me

He kicked a baby
Elevator lady (3x)
Lady
Elevator Lady
Lady. Lady. Levitate me

If all in all is true (3x)
If all is true
Won't you please run over me (5x)
Me, me, me, me, ... "

To my dear Mr Tongue El Licker, I know you don’t need this levitation since you sounded like you are in the midst of going for the first base. Yeah, love is in the air (I bet that you’re smiling now. Or at least a grin. Hehehe). The flowery backdrops, the “My Endless Love” song playing softly in the background, holding hands and running in a slow-motion mode up to the hill and later roll down together with exactly all new attire in a flash. Okay, now it started to sound like Never Been Kissed meets Dilwale Dulhania La Jayenge. Hey, love can do that to you man. I only want you to be prepared. ;)

But remember, Sting also sang,

“Love can mend your life but love can break your heart…”

Don’t say I never warn you… wanker!

Sorry buddy, no Gerak Khas or other local soap smashing as for now as I was also busy catching up with the delayed telecast of World Rugby Championship. I prefer this sport than soccer (as what David Beckham call it nowadays) because there’s no drama in terms of getting a free kick or penalty or wasting precious time for the losing team. All just bad to the bone!

Let A. Galak sleep in peace tonight. Need a good one for me too…

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore - Revisited...

2007-09-25T05:46:00.000+08:00

Correction is necessary eventhough I strongly believe that it's unimportant.

The Malay soap (in my earlier entry) was actually aired by Astro instead of RTM. But still I'm not apologizing for this error due to their "infotainment" still sucks! P.Ramlee reruns are just as lame as a repetitive Gerak Khas's police self-praised dialogues. "Itukan dah jadi TANGGUNGJAWAB kita...", my ass!

My advice to ASTRO - Stop airing such shit because I need to watch something with "balls". Please sell that type of soap to RTM. They are dying to have that for their "drama kerajaan" (as opposed to drama swasta) U rated crap.

Well, what the hell? I still got 30 other channels to watch.

Hmmmmmm....

Please Play This Song On The Radio...

2007-09-20T07:03:00.001+08:00

Check out the "Bang yer eardrums!" section.

Hang all local radio DJs. Playlists SUCK big time but acting like they have the most hip and cool selection. Shove your playlists up WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE. Fugly bastards!!!

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore...

2007-09-14T01:18:00.000+08:00

"I sebenarnye dilahirkan di Malaysia, tapi dibesarkan di Mexico..."

Dialog opera sabun Melayu setelah 50 tahun merdeka.

This line has been repeated daily (if not hourly) on TV... should be from RTM channel due to it's dull colour (I maybe wrong but what the heck). The only reason I highlighted this to show you people of how shallow the content of such drama or soap yet they still have the audacity to air it. The line was intended to promote the soap/drama(yes... they gotta be kidding). If that's the best line for the whole story, imagine the other lines for the rest of the story. Can you? I just can't...

By listening to the line I'm so eager to watch it. I just can't wait. I'll Astro MAX it for sure... Fuck you!

They have been churning that they got an "infotainment" channel which is supposed to be informative and at the same time, ehemm entertaining. But to me, it's just something to insult your intelligence. No wonder P.Ramlee's classics had been rerun for hundreds of time (I've lost count here). They got nothing in stores for us to watch, let alone be entertained.

Whoever is involved in producing, marketing or airing such shits should be blamed for the major cause of piracy. If Gerak Khas The Movie has a story line like Die Hard 4, I'll vote for A.Galak rather than Bruce Willis anyday man... anyday! But at the end of the movie I will definitely change my mind if this dialogue take place...

Police A : "Hai, orang lain malam2 dah tidur tapi kita masih kena buat rondaan..."

A.Galak : "Janganlah bersungut... Inikan dah jadi TUGAS kita..Kita mestilah tunaikan amanah yang telah diberikan kepada kita."

Cheh!

Happy 50th Independence, Malaysia.

Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa(t)...

2007-08-15T04:04:00.000+08:00

Emmm… more issues on shits that as Malaysian we need to write, speak and sing in Bahasa Melayu or Bahasa Malaysia. If you are so keen in writing or singing in other than Malay language, especially English you will be deemed as “Melayu Keparat” or “Mat Salleh bontot hitam” by many.

“Hentikan segala bentuk penjajahan dalam diri dan minda anda!” Fuck you!

How shallow can a person be? Just because I speak English or other language which is not Bahasa Kebangsaan then I am not Malaysian. I don’t deserve to be in this “bumi bertuah, Malaysia yang ku cintai…” What the fuck?”

Why should I speak in the “holy” language just because you told me to do so? Why should I be proud of the language just because you say so? Why, loser?

I don’t believe in all this. If I wanna speak or write or sing in any language that I feel like, then it’s up to me. Nobody can tell me what language I should use to express myself. If you don’t understand whatever I’ve written here then it’s your problem. Why should I care? Your word is not welcome here. So fuck off!

Fuck off and die you fascist bastards! Mangkuk hayun, anak haram, patriotik, nasionalis tak tentu pasal. What’s next? Every home MUST have at least one hibiscus tree planted because it’s our National Flower…Eat shit!

Stop telling me what to do… this is not a Nike advertisement. See?… I told you to fuck off yet you are still here… same shit eh?

"We won't be stupid if we learn about other's stupidity..." - Bob Dyldo

Terjemahan dari Kamus Dewan Kampung Dato' Razali adalah seperti di bawah.

"Kita takkan jadi bodoh kalau kita belajar tentang kebodohan orang lain..." - Borhan Kotegetah

Bodoh!

Rape Me...

2007-08-07T06:23:00.000+08:00

This one should be an old story by now, but it’s better late than never.

It was reported that Avril Lavigne being sued by an old band named Rubinoos (name most probably inspired by Rick Rubin). This lawsuit was filed against her for the song “Girlfriend” which the band accused Avril for ripping their song off, which ‘coincidentally’ called “I Want To Be Your Boyfriend”.

Emmm… why am I not surprised?... There’s no business like show business. Ripping each other off is just an art of survival…

Not so tricky question: Name a band in Malaysia that has a song intro ripped off from The Cure’s ‘Boys Don’t Cry’?

Please contact Bob Smith for prizes…

Die, Die My Darling...(Dyldo's version)

2007-06-26T06:58:00.000+08:00

This is what happen if someone messes with Bob Dyldo. I'll write "killer" song...

The Die Song

I can sense bullshit in your eyes
You are so good with your lies
Telling people how good you are
When you should be put behind bars

You don’t deserve a pat on the back
But to be stabbed or hacked
Your face just gives me a desire
To set it on fire (not literally)

Your presence are not welcome here
You might as well just disappear
Or you can just
DIE! DIE! DIE! …

Kicking you in the ass will be so lovely
Not in any way will make me feel guilty
You know that you deserve the best
That is (again) to be kicked in the ass

Hey! You freak of nature
Will this make you feel better?
I feel bad for whatever I’ve said
But I’ll feel good if you just be dead

Your presence are not welcome here
You might as well just disappear
Or you can just
FUCKING DIE! DIE! DIE! …

It's time for "Stormy Weather"...

2007-06-14T06:34:00.000+08:00

Hah! I got back my Pixies' "Come On Pilgrims/Surfer Rosa" CD. Thanks to Mr T for his kind cooperation. Your kindness will be remembered until the end of time.

Unfortunately, my Jane's Addiction "Nothing's Shocking" and Camper Van Beethoven's "Our Beloved Revolutionary Sweetheart" suffered severe damage and I can hardly listen to few of the tracks. They even had something like a helicopter's propeller sound on it. Weird!

Then again Mr T, I have to think about your kindness again. Should I remember it until the end of time as the damaged CDs are just irreplacable. Not like Beyonce's song. But I will make an exception since you promised to replace them. How you do it, I'm not interested to know. Hehehe. Best of luck at Petaling Street.

Well, back to Kim now. Where were we? Oh yeah! "Big, big love!"...

KIM…You “Levitate Me”!

2007-06-09T05:37:00.000+08:00

Been listening to a lot of Pixies lately. This past 2 weeks to be exact. It’s just inexplicable of how the urge to dig out your old CDs and start listening to them one by one, all over again. To say that I’m thinking of my past… Nah!…’cause Pixies had never been in my OST* of life. From my opinion, OST of life should be very relevant to one’s life, lyrically. So as of today, The Smiths and Moz are still on top of the list. Please don’t ask why…

Hmmm…why Pixies? Their lyrics are not so relevant (to me) and given me less meaning (this might be due to the eccentricity of Black Francis’ lyrics) but I never in a second, doubt the contagious chorus hook and the brilliance of their songs/music executions. Label them with whatever music genre you might, but I will simply classify it as “The Pixies”. Their sound is their own…

I’m still wondering of the rationale on getting Pixies to my recent playlist. There must be a reason. A good reason. First I played the “Doolittle”, then “Bossanova” followed by “Trompe Le Monde”. Then back to “Doolittle” all over again. I misplaced “Come On Pilgrims” and “Surfer Rosa”. Or maybe someone borrowed them from me and forgot to return back. If it’s true and you happen to read this then you should know what to do… shithead!

I listened to them hard…very hard. And all of a sudden, it’s beginning to make sense. The reason is just so apparent, yet I was late to realize. I was actually missing a VOICE. It was that voice that was so mesmerizing, it sang in my head and reminded me of how much I actually miss HER…

Yes. I miss her dearly. That’s the reason I keep on playing and listening to Pixies these passing weeks. I have no collection of The Amps or Breeders. Pixies is all I got. Eventhough I have to listen to Frank (no offence Frank!) in between her voices, still it has not daunt my determination to patiently wait her turn for the mic.

True! It’s not Mariah or Celine or Siti Nurhaliza kinda voice. But she’s just fine and dazzling in her own way. She need not change even a bit of how she sing it before. It was beautiful and tantalizing and I will always love it. Her voice gives me the courage to walk through this world which is no different than the “Waves Of Mutilation”. It makes me feel “Gigantic” and invincible. It also makes me feel like, every morning and every day, I'll ‘bossanova’ with ya!!!

By the way, Happy Birthday to you! I know that it’s too early** for that but just wanna be the first to wish you.

Go slow on the cigarettes Kim...

* Original Sound Track
**Born June, 10th 1961 - Kimberly Ann Deal

Someone's Gonna Die Tonight...

2007-05-25T05:56:00.000+08:00

“Under my umber-rella..ella…ella…ay…ay”
“Under my umber-rella..ella…ella…ay…ay..ay” Stupid Umbrella Song – Bitch Who’ll Soon Be Dumped

Can a song get any stupid than this? Record company invest millions for this shit. You as a hip music lover spend your hard earned bucks (oops I forgot, you’re a spoiled brat.)for this shit. Talked about money well spent eh everyone?

Gimme The Misfits anyday…

“Demon I am and face I peel
To see your skin turned inside out, 'cause
Gotta have you on my wall
Gotta have you on my wall, 'cause

I want your skull
I need your skull” Skulls – The Misfits

…I’ll definitely be happy.

Play that “Umber-rella” song to me…

…I’m gonna be very angry and I feel like killing somebody…

…I can’t help quoting you (again), Moz…

So let’s…

“Burn down the disco
Hang the blessed DJ
Because the music that they constantly play
IT SAYS NOTHING TO ME ABOUT MY LIFE” Panic – The Smiths

No exceptions!

No apologies!

JUST FUCK OFF AND DIE!!!

"Stop Me If You Think That You've Heard This One Before..."

2007-05-15T05:41:00.000+08:00

“On a government scheme
Designed to kill your dream
Oh mum, oh dad
Once poor, always poor” Interesting Drug – Morrissey

The only thing that I can say about this guy is, he can really write. His words just go right up yer ass and you will definitely begged for more. The song was neither heavy guitar driven nor speed drums bashing yet he just can kick most of the so called punkrock bands’ asses anytime. I mean it... Really!

Well, if you call yourself a punkrock bands but your lyrics just go like “Fuck The System” from the beginning until the end, tell me... Who will take you seriously? You are not even trying your best to write man, let alone trying to cripple the system with your song. More kick ass words please...

Start writing in any language that you feel you could express yourself easily and clearly. Write, write, write. Look for good catch phrases. If you can’t find any then just make up one. Twist words here and there from famous quotes. “To fuck, or not to fuck: that is the question...” See? It’s that simple.

Here I’m going to give another example on how you can express your thoughts clearly.

“And the pain was enough to make
A shy, bald, buddhist reflect
And plan a mass murder” Stop Me If You Think That You’ve Heard This One Before – The Smiths

FYI, this one still coming from that Morrissey guy again. The Smiths was a band fronted by him back then. Read between the lines. He’s talking about something which is so fucking painful and how a shy bald Buddhist (I guess he’s referring to a monk here) could reflect. Not just reflect but also plan a mass murder. Committing a murder is already too much for an ordinary person, so just imagine, A FUCKING MASS MURDER from A MONK!!! How painful is that till an extremely patient kind of people could reflect in such a way? Get it? And again, the song was not in any way accompanied by Metal Zone guitar effect or Dave Lombardo’s double paddling bass drum attack. It was as mellow as your grandma’s lullaby.

You need to have an excellent understanding in what you believe in and what you are fighting for. Only then you can start to write something that later (maybe) others could relate to. If you couldn’t even understand what you’ve written then stop dreaming that others could.

Punkrock supposed to be a threat to what you called “The System”. But if you keep on doing shitty lyrics, churning “Fuck The System”, “Politician Sucks”, “We Want Democracy” etc. then just forget about having a punk band and start doing a boy/girl band thing. This is more justifiable since being in a boy band doesn’t require you to have good lyrics. What matters most is that you can show off your Justin Timberlake’s dance move and try your best to look cute. If you think that you are not cute enough, then make an appointment with the nearest plastic surgeon.

So remember...

1) Punkrock bands (image wise) don’t always mean that they got punkrock lyrics.
2) Mellow singer/bands can be more effective than punkrock bands (again, image wise), if they have punkrock lyrics.
3) Shallow “Fuck The System” lyrics equal shallow politicians’ view about democracy and any form of freedom.
4) If ISA is knocking, knocking at your front door, that means that your lyrics are so damn effective.(Well, “The System” hates anybody who is smarter than it)

So punkrockers, start writing, re-writing and have fun in fucking “The System”. Have a safe trip to Kamunting too...

KL's Winter Sonata...

2007-05-12T03:53:00.000+08:00

Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'. The Times They Are A-Changin’ – Bob Dylan

Good ol’ Bob sang that and I have to say that it makes me want to be a great songwriter just like him. Nah! Bob Dyldo will be just greater.

Talk about song writing, I must say that nowadays I’ve seen loads of bands emerged from who-knows-where and strutting their stuffs by doing songs influenced by the singer/bands that they love. The greater influence they had from the sources, the more adaptation they will have in their songs. Image, style, stage persona and even accent in singing will be heavily influenced by the precursor. Sometimes, too heavy.

That’s when I started to get pissed.

I went to one indie-rock show not so long ago. They are few bands playing and I prefer not to mention names since they should not be getting any publicity here. If they want publicity, then sign up for myspace. Period!

Okay back to the show. It’s some sort of a tour for the last band in the bill. These guys(the last band) are not so bad in terms of their musicianship. But when it comes to image, their songs and stage persona...it was too UK Indie kinda thing and I don’t mean Ulu Kelang Indie. If Ulu Kelang, that will be local and maybe I will like it. Oh, did I mention that the gig was in KL? Well, never mind.

Just imagine...UK Indie invasion. The shades, the hairdo, the apparels. One of the guitarists (or was it the bassist) wore this Burberry’s winter muffler which was well wrapped around the neck... Winter? KL? Oh yeah, UK Indie...in case you forget.

The muffler was not the last thing that made me wonder what’s wrong with the picture. They even have an “indie-clap”. How does an indie-clap looks like? Okay. It’s simple. Specifically, you just need to place both hands right beside your ear (left or right, it doesn’t matter) and start clapping softly. Remember, clap softly because motion counts here, not the audibility of the clapping. So there you go...an “indie-clap”. Oh man!

Why? Is a Burberry’s winter muffler which was well wrapped around the neck necessary? Is an “indie-clap” a must because you play in an indie-band? Why?...

As I know that nobody can give me a reasonable answer here, so I should just sum up my conclusion. Most local bands nowadays are just afraid of their true quality. Whatever is true from the heart and partially original(I can’t use completely original because playing in an electric band is NOT pioneered by us), they just ditch it. Their main concern is audience acceptance. They rather please than be pleased or give blowjob rather than getting one. How considerate...Fuck you! You should leave the band and go to Sun Complex for greener pasture.

When I go for shows, I wanted to see the band itself and I don’t want them to remind me of the bigger bands that they were influenced by. Attitude can be copied but not Burberry’s winter muffler. It’s just so fucking pathetic! If I want to see a real copycat, I can always go to a sleazy pub and see some Philippino ladies in skimpy outfits, shaking their booties and sing “I Will Survive”. Worth every penny I’m tellin ya!

So for bands out there, if you are reading this, please first check what you got before deciding to make an appearance in this near future. If you think that you only have what that’s been repeatedly played on MTV, then be prepared to get your ass kicked should I be anywhere near the pit. My money isn’t worth all this phoney act. It’s much more worth watching fake orgasm videos at home and get my balls licked at the same time.

Come on darling... Rock my penis!

Sing it!

2007-05-09T04:26:00.000+08:00

Besides superpower, cape, mask, tight suit, inner garment cum outer garment, what else do you think that associates with superheroes?... What? Good looks? You might not seen “The Incredible Hulk” just yet…

No, not good looks. You are not a complete superhero until you have your own theme song…that’s it! Fucking theme song. How can you remember a superhero without the theme song?

To recall certain superhero is going to be quite vague if only by referring to the episodes in comics or their moves or how they look like. Because all of them in a way or another, share the same concept of superpower, cape, mask, tight suit, inner garment cum outer garment etc. Even I cannot tell whether Elektra or Wonder Woman have larger boobs (but maybe Wonder Woman looks like having bigger boobs since she’s been endorsed by Wonder Bra. Come on, don’t tell me you don’t know this. Then how did the bra company got the name at the first place?)

So, by having a theme song, a superhero can be easily recognised and remembered. As I’m being the latest addition of the superheroes but not that Marvel or DC posse, I also have my own theme song which had been ripped off from the famous cartoon character who likes to help people by building shits and stuffs. He’s okay since he got a talking bulldozer and cement mixer. Say goodbye to KITT, Knight!

Whoever feels like having some shagging, sucking, licking and sometimes fingering here and there, please sing this song 7 times in the morning, 4 times in the afternoon and 11 times at night and I will come to the rescue after 3 days. I will come sooner if you are living approximately within 30 km radius from where I live. So start singing!

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Scoop, Muck and Dizzy and Roley too
4 names that you don’t wanna screw
Bob and the gang have so much fun
Banging each other, they get the job done

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Time to get busy, such a lot to do
Fingering and licking till it's good as new
Bob and the gang make a really good sound
Shagging all day till the sun goes down

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

It's a perfect blowjob
Can you swallow it
Right
Left a bit, right a little,
O.K. straight down (oh yeah!)
We can handle any position
Look out, here we cum
Can we suck it Yes
Can we lick it Yes
Can we finger it Yes

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Kissing and shagging, having so much fun
Banging each other, they get the job done
Can we suck it Yes
Can we lick it Yes
Can we finger it Yes

Bob the Dyldo
(Yeah!)
Bob the Dyldo
All together now

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
(Bob... Fantastic) Yes, we can

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can
We'd better get some work done (Yeah, right!)

Losers of the world...unite and take over...this dyldo!

2007-05-05T07:08:00.000+08:00

Glorifying drugs abuse and excessive alcohol consumption are losers’ definition of being cool in this yuppie-dominated world. Even if you look it from a different angle, you could only come up with ‘yuppie who is trying so hard to be cool’ equals ‘loser for life’. You do drugs and booze, so fucking what?

Take this dyldo and shove it up your sorry ass. Then shove it down your throat so you can taste how suck and shitty you have been all this while.

One of the machismo values is bragging on how you can handle drugs and booze excessively when in reality, you just fucking can’t (or fucking cunt, whichever you deemed appropriate). Your limits are far below (waaaaaay below) from what you wrote and you feel like a champion just by doing that. Fuck you!

You sound just like Kurt Cobain wannabe and of course without proper lyrics attached. Try harder.

Your booze and drugs story don’t impress me at all. Gimme something which is really in my face and up my ass so I can worship you. Stay with your stories and you will only be worshipped by losers.

It’s your choice. And it’s my choice to say this to you…”FUCK OFF AND DIE!”…

Insert your dyldo here...

2007-05-05T06:39:00.000+08:00

“I like this space. It gives me the freedom to express my feelings.” Fucking corny!