Friday, May 25, 2007

Someone's Gonna Die Tonight...

“Under my umber-rella..ella…ella…ay…ay”
“Under my umber-rella..ella…ella…ay…ay..ay”
Stupid Umbrella Song – Bitch Who’ll Soon Be Dumped

Can a song get any stupid than this? Record company invest millions for this shit. You as a hip music lover spend your hard earned bucks (oops I forgot, you’re a spoiled brat.)for this shit. Talked about money well spent eh everyone?

Gimme The Misfits anyday…

“Demon I am and face I peel
To see your skin turned inside out, 'cause
Gotta have you on my wall
Gotta have you on my wall, 'cause

I want your skull
I need your skull” Skulls – The Misfits

…I’ll definitely be happy.

Play that “Umber-rella” song to me…

…I’m gonna be very angry and I feel like killing somebody…

…I can’t help quoting you (again), Moz…

So let’s…

“Burn down the disco
Hang the blessed DJ
Because the music that they constantly play
IT SAYS NOTHING TO ME ABOUT MY LIFE” Panic – The Smiths

No exceptions!

No apologies!

JUST FUCK OFF AND DIE!!!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

"Stop Me If You Think That You've Heard This One Before..."


“On a government scheme
Designed to kill your dream
Oh mum, oh dad
Once poor, always poor”
Interesting Drug – Morrissey

The only thing that I can say about this guy is, he can really write. His words just go right up yer ass and you will definitely begged for more. The song was neither heavy guitar driven nor speed drums bashing yet he just can kick most of the so called punkrock bands’ asses anytime. I mean it... Really!

Well, if you call yourself a punkrock bands but your lyrics just go like “Fuck The System” from the beginning until the end, tell me... Who will take you seriously? You are not even trying your best to write man, let alone trying to cripple the system with your song. More kick ass words please...

Start writing in any language that you feel you could express yourself easily and clearly. Write, write, write. Look for good catch phrases. If you can’t find any then just make up one. Twist words here and there from famous quotes. “To fuck, or not to fuck: that is the question...” See? It’s that simple.

Here I’m going to give another example on how you can express your thoughts clearly.

“And the pain was enough to make
A shy, bald, buddhist reflect
And plan a mass murder”
Stop Me If You Think That You’ve Heard This One Before – The Smiths

FYI, this one still coming from that Morrissey guy again. The Smiths was a band fronted by him back then. Read between the lines. He’s talking about something which is so fucking painful and how a shy bald Buddhist (I guess he’s referring to a monk here) could reflect. Not just reflect but also plan a mass murder. Committing a murder is already too much for an ordinary person, so just imagine, A FUCKING MASS MURDER from A MONK!!! How painful is that till an extremely patient kind of people could reflect in such a way? Get it? And again, the song was not in any way accompanied by Metal Zone guitar effect or Dave Lombardo’s double paddling bass drum attack. It was as mellow as your grandma’s lullaby.

You need to have an excellent understanding in what you believe in and what you are fighting for. Only then you can start to write something that later (maybe) others could relate to. If you couldn’t even understand what you’ve written then stop dreaming that others could.

Punkrock supposed to be a threat to what you called “The System”. But if you keep on doing shitty lyrics, churning “Fuck The System”, “Politician Sucks”, “We Want Democracy” etc. then just forget about having a punk band and start doing a boy/girl band thing. This is more justifiable since being in a boy band doesn’t require you to have good lyrics. What matters most is that you can show off your Justin Timberlake’s dance move and try your best to look cute. If you think that you are not cute enough, then make an appointment with the nearest plastic surgeon.

So remember...

1) Punkrock bands (image wise) don’t always mean that they got punkrock lyrics.
2) Mellow singer/bands can be more effective than punkrock bands (again, image wise), if they have punkrock lyrics.
3) Shallow “Fuck The System” lyrics equal shallow politicians’ view about democracy and any form of freedom.
4) If ISA is knocking, knocking at your front door, that means that your lyrics are so damn effective.(Well, “The System” hates anybody who is smarter than it)

So punkrockers, start writing, re-writing and have fun in fucking “The System”. Have a safe trip to Kamunting too...

Saturday, May 12, 2007

KL's Winter Sonata...


Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'
. The Times They Are A-Changin’ – Bob Dylan

Good ol’ Bob sang that and I have to say that it makes me want to be a great songwriter just like him. Nah! Bob Dyldo will be just greater.

Talk about song writing, I must say that nowadays I’ve seen loads of bands emerged from who-knows-where and strutting their stuffs by doing songs influenced by the singer/bands that they love. The greater influence they had from the sources, the more adaptation they will have in their songs. Image, style, stage persona and even accent in singing will be heavily influenced by the precursor. Sometimes, too heavy.

That’s when I started to get pissed.

I went to one indie-rock show not so long ago. They are few bands playing and I prefer not to mention names since they should not be getting any publicity here. If they want publicity, then sign up for myspace. Period!

Okay back to the show. It’s some sort of a tour for the last band in the bill. These guys(the last band) are not so bad in terms of their musicianship. But when it comes to image, their songs and stage persona...it was too UK Indie kinda thing and I don’t mean Ulu Kelang Indie. If Ulu Kelang, that will be local and maybe I will like it. Oh, did I mention that the gig was in KL? Well, never mind.

Just imagine...UK Indie invasion. The shades, the hairdo, the apparels. One of the guitarists (or was it the bassist) wore this Burberry’s winter muffler which was well wrapped around the neck... Winter? KL? Oh yeah, UK Indie...in case you forget.

The muffler was not the last thing that made me wonder what’s wrong with the picture. They even have an “indie-clap”. How does an indie-clap looks like? Okay. It’s simple. Specifically, you just need to place both hands right beside your ear (left or right, it doesn’t matter) and start clapping softly. Remember, clap softly because motion counts here, not the audibility of the clapping. So there you go...an “indie-clap”. Oh man!

Why? Is a Burberry’s winter muffler which was well wrapped around the neck necessary? Is an “indie-clap” a must because you play in an indie-band? Why?...

As I know that nobody can give me a reasonable answer here, so I should just sum up my conclusion. Most local bands nowadays are just afraid of their true quality. Whatever is true from the heart and partially original(I can’t use completely original because playing in an electric band is NOT pioneered by us), they just ditch it. Their main concern is audience acceptance. They rather please than be pleased or give blowjob rather than getting one. How considerate...Fuck you! You should leave the band and go to Sun Complex for greener pasture.

When I go for shows, I wanted to see the band itself and I don’t want them to remind me of the bigger bands that they were influenced by. Attitude can be copied but not Burberry’s winter muffler. It’s just so fucking pathetic! If I want to see a real copycat, I can always go to a sleazy pub and see some Philippino ladies in skimpy outfits, shaking their booties and sing “I Will Survive”. Worth every penny I’m tellin ya!

So for bands out there, if you are reading this, please first check what you got before deciding to make an appearance in this near future. If you think that you only have what that’s been repeatedly played on MTV, then be prepared to get your ass kicked should I be anywhere near the pit. My money isn’t worth all this phoney act. It’s much more worth watching fake orgasm videos at home and get my balls licked at the same time.

Come on darling... Rock my penis!

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Sing it!




Besides superpower, cape, mask, tight suit, inner garment cum outer garment, what else do you think that associates with superheroes?... What? Good looks? You might not seen “The Incredible Hulk” just yet…

No, not good looks. You are not a complete superhero until you have your own theme song…that’s it! Fucking theme song. How can you remember a superhero without the theme song?

To recall certain superhero is going to be quite vague if only by referring to the episodes in comics or their moves or how they look like. Because all of them in a way or another, share the same concept of superpower, cape, mask, tight suit, inner garment cum outer garment etc. Even I cannot tell whether Elektra or Wonder Woman have larger boobs (but maybe Wonder Woman looks like having bigger boobs since she’s been endorsed by Wonder Bra. Come on, don’t tell me you don’t know this. Then how did the bra company got the name at the first place?)

So, by having a theme song, a superhero can be easily recognised and remembered. As I’m being the latest addition of the superheroes but not that Marvel or DC posse, I also have my own theme song which had been ripped off from the famous cartoon character who likes to help people by building shits and stuffs. He’s okay since he got a talking bulldozer and cement mixer. Say goodbye to KITT, Knight!

Whoever feels like having some shagging, sucking, licking and sometimes fingering here and there, please sing this song 7 times in the morning, 4 times in the afternoon and 11 times at night and I will come to the rescue after 3 days. I will come sooner if you are living approximately within 30 km radius from where I live. So start singing!

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Scoop, Muck and Dizzy and Roley too
4 names that you don’t wanna screw
Bob and the gang have so much fun
Banging each other, they get the job done

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Time to get busy, such a lot to do
Fingering and licking till it's good as new
Bob and the gang make a really good sound
Shagging all day till the sun goes down

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

It's a perfect blowjob
Can you swallow it
Right
Left a bit, right a little,
O.K. straight down (oh yeah!)
We can handle any position
Look out, here we cum
Can we suck it Yes
Can we lick it Yes
Can we finger it Yes

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Kissing and shagging, having so much fun
Banging each other, they get the job done
Can we suck it Yes
Can we lick it Yes
Can we finger it Yes

Bob the Dyldo
(Yeah!)
Bob the Dyldo
All together now

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
(Bob... Fantastic) Yes, we can

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can

Bob the Dyldo
Can we shove it
Bob the Dyldo
Yes, we can
We'd better get some work done (Yeah, right!)

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Losers of the world...unite and take over...this dyldo!




Glorifying drugs abuse and excessive alcohol consumption are losers’ definition of being cool in this yuppie-dominated world. Even if you look it from a different angle, you could only come up with ‘yuppie who is trying so hard to be cool’ equals ‘loser for life’. You do drugs and booze, so fucking what?

Take this dyldo and shove it up your sorry ass. Then shove it down your throat so you can taste how suck and shitty you have been all this while.

One of the machismo values is bragging on how you can handle drugs and booze excessively when in reality, you just fucking can’t (or fucking cunt, whichever you deemed appropriate). Your limits are far below (waaaaaay below) from what you wrote and you feel like a champion just by doing that. Fuck you!

You sound just like Kurt Cobain wannabe and of course without proper lyrics attached. Try harder.
Your booze and drugs story don’t impress me at all. Gimme something which is really in my face and up my ass so I can worship you. Stay with your stories and you will only be worshipped by losers.

It’s your choice. And it’s my choice to say this to you…”FUCK OFF AND DIE!”…

Insert your dyldo here...

“I like this space. It gives me the freedom to express my feelings.” Fucking corny!